do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
