I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
