When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
only you would photoshop your dick
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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