going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
