My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
