you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
sex in a hospital.. check
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
