fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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