I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I need to align my fucking chakras
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
