At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
