ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
