We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
