That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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