onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
