she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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