last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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