One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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