Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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