that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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