you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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