I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
