i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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