somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
