they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
