i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
