she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
