i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm at about main and main street
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
