So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
