Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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