I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
