It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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