I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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