So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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