i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
