All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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