fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
