I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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