is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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