the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
