things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
