Screwed.edu
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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