Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
