My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
