Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
