Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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