looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
