YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
