wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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