I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
