i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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