oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
