I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
