I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
