I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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