I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
They took my balls.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
