I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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