Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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