Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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