Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
