sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize