I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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