I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
