You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
