There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
