i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize