Whats the glycemic index on semen?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
