woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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