Umm I'm too high to move.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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