i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
