Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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