His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
