I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
